Literature Summary: "Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us."

“Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us.”

Kate Bornstein

Part

Quote

Summary

Opinion 

Why:

This tremendous work is quite relevant to feminism.  It is relevant because Bornstein tackles many issues relating to global prejudice toward women and femininity in general, especially in her written stage play: Hidden: A Gender.  She tackles questions about gender many dare not attempt; like is it important to be one gender or the other.  In Hidden: A Gender she talks about the global impression that women should not educate themselves, that knowledge is anti-feminine.  Bornstein rejects ideas like this.  This is a MUST read for anyone looking for a deeper knowledge of what it means to gender and what it means to not gender. 

It is an embarrassing thing for a man like me to only discover a work as fine as this in relation to gender issues through a recommendation from a professor of Women’s and Gender Studies from Minnesota State University Mankato.  It is embarrassing because I am a man that has literally worn a skirt every day for the past five years almost without fail.  I have always found soft pretty things more pleasant to touch than say for example pants.  I like skirts because wearing them literally makes me feel at ease and calm.  I suppose it is the beautiful soft flowy fabric that makers use to create their skirts that makes me love them as much as I do.  Many women love to wear pants because it makes them safe, secure, calm, and comfortable.  Likewise to this I love to wear skirts. 

I found Bornstein’s finely written work informative and she genuinely helped me to understand who I am as a man and as a man who literally wants to be a woman.  In all seriousness one of the reasons why I would love to be a woman more than a man is how gorgeous women look in curvaceous sweetheart neckline gowns.  Gowns are literally my absolute favorite human creation.  To me, I argue, nothing is more gorgeous on the entire planet.  Gowns are amazing.  Even though I would do anything to be a woman in a gorgeous gown, I also am forced to admit being a woman on this planet would be tremendously hard with all of the prejudice against them.

Again, this is a MUST read for anyone attempting to build a greater understanding of gender and what it means.

The following parts of the book will contain a direct quote that was influential to me, then a brief summary, and finally my opinion.  At the end will be my concluding thoughts.

Part 1

Quote: “People are starting to ask me about fashion.  I love that!  Maybe they think the doctor sewed in some fashion sense during my genital conversion surgery.”

Summary:

Bornstein addresses the stereotype that has been given to females and that is to be a great judge of fashion and style.  She uses the analogy of fashion and style to give illustration to her own life and that of her significant other.  She argues that fashion and identity are important that they are intertwined and are not independent from one another.  The need to belong to a group filled with people with similar identities is important, the sense and yearning to belong is a major driving force in our culture today.  Bornstein admits she neither feels male nor female nor because her female lover is going through her sex change as well Bornstein feels neither straight nor gay. 

My Opinion:

In relation to the strong human need to belong to a group of people who are similar, I agree with Bornstein.  I agree with her because my own yearning to belong to people like me is strong.  I am a man who is more in love with femininity and feminine things like skirts and high heels who lives in a conservative place like Utah, so it is extremely hard to find people who are like me.  I personally have only run into one other man like me in Utah and that is it.  Granted, I am up for the possibility that I have ran into other men like me considering most men dare not to tell the world they love wearing skirts more than pants.  I am currently wearing a skirt even as I type this literature summary on my Blog.  A skirt I find adorable, soft, flowy, in other word tremendously comfortable.

Part 2

Quote:  “It’s important to gender and sex separated as, respectively, system and function.  Since function is easier to pin down than system, sex is a simpler starting place than gender.”

Summary:  Ever since Bornstein was little she always felt that she was neither a boy nor a girl.  Because of this life was hard for Bornstein, she found it hard to be herself.  It was hard because she constantly felt that she needed to hide herself for the rest of the world because of who she was, neither male nor female.  Gender and sex = System and function respectively.  Bornstein argues that function is easier to pin down than system, because sex is simpler than gender.  Bornstein’s definition of “cross dresser: “A common misconception is that male cross-dressers are both gay and prostitutes, whereas the truth of the matter is that most cross-dressers that I’ve met hold down more mainstream jobs, careers, or professions, are married, and are practicing heterosexuals.”

Bornstein also explains how, a few months after her surgery that she did not know how to respond to men thinking that she is attractive.  She explained that she did not go through the rituals of how to react to it prior to surgery.  Ms. Bornstein talked about her relationship with lesbianism.  She says occasionally she runs into groups of lesbians who reject her lesbianism because they argue that she is not really a woman.  She explains that she is not a man either.  She asks, What is a man? And What is a woman?  She explains a lot of people who are asked these questions still have been unable to answer her. 

My Opinion:  I felt the same way as Bornstein while in junior high school.  I felt the way she did in relation to her feeling and need to hide away from others, especially in hiding the real her.  It was in junior high school where I developed a deep love of feminine things.  I began putting pictures of women wearing tremendously beautiful things from magazines and internet print outs, and I would hang them in my closet.  My Mom thought her son was just doing what all boys did when they hit puberty, to hang beautiful women in their closet as a way to somehow compensate for hitting puberty.  However, I hung those pictures up because I seriously could not stop looking at the tremendously beautiful skirts, dresses, gowns, and heels the models were wearing.

In school or amongst my peers I could not understand why my male friends would always be staring at the boobs of our female peers.  I could not understand because it was not their boobs I could not stop staring at, it was their skirts and beautiful things they were wearing.  I remember in great detail one of my peers, Todd.  Todd would always talk about the boobs of one of our fellow students, Haley.  See, while Todd was looking at her boobs, I was looking at her skirt and wondered why I could not wear one where she and the other females in my class could wear pants.  Because I was too terrified to tell anyone, especially my parents and family, my desire to wear skirts was kept hidden even up into my mid-20s.  I told my parents when the three of us could get together that I love to wear skirts and that my hidden greatest desire is to be a woman.  My father reacted negatively; he asked me if I was gay.  My father was also my bishop (I have since formally left my religion through letter of resignation, this experience being one of the reasons I left religion, but not the most major reason), he literally had his secretary schedule a meeting with me.  I obliged.  While in the meeting in his church office he wanted to talk about my “dressing up issue.”  My dad was never accepting of the real me.  When he found out I was going to get my PhD in Women’s and Gender Studies so I can help fight for a better future for women and members of the LGBT, he responded immediately by suggesting I go into the military.  I simply rolled my eyes and interrupted him saying this as a way to “re-masculinize” me.  With mixed feelings and emotions my parents and I no longer talk.  There were too many disagreements between them and me. 

Part 3

Quote:  “I was obsessed, and like most obsessed people, I was the last one to know it.  The culture itself is obsessed with gender – and true to form, the culture as a whole will be the last to find out how obsessed it really has been.”

Summary:  Bornstein explicates the vicious circle that exists in transgenderism.  I decided to place this in my literature to show the many divides that exist in the transgender community. 

Post – operative transsexuals (those transsexuals who’ve had genital surgery and live fully in the role of another gender) look down on:

Pre – operative transsexuals (those who are living full or part time in another gender, but who’ve not yet had their genital surgery) who in turn look down on:

Transgenders (people living in another gender identity, but who have little or no intention of having genital surgery) who can’t abide:

She – Males (a she – male friend of mine described herself as “tits, big hair, lots of make – up, and a dick.”) who snub the:

Drag Queens (gay men who on occasion dress in varying parodies of women) who laugh about the:

Out Transvestites (usually heterosexual men who dress as they think women dress, and who are out in the open about doing that) who pity the:

Closet Cases (transvestites who hide their cross – dressing) who mock the post – op transsexuals.

My Opinion:  At the end of this subsection Bornstein states that transsexuals should come out and tell people who they are to avoid deception.  I can see her objective in this but I personally am mixed with this statement.  Ellen Degeneres recently said:  “Do we have to know who’s gay and who’s straight?  Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?”  Granted she was being silly about the car element but she was being serious about the rest.  I agree more with Degneres in this respect than with Bornstein.  Transsexuals and homosexuals should not feel obligated to wear a scarlet letter on their chest, or a Star of David as a requirement to be who they would like to be.  Prejudicial human beings are the ones who should be obligated to cast out paranoia, superstition, and their prejudicial natures and judge someone on their deeds and not on who the person is.  No one should feel that they must tell all the world who they are.  They should feel free to live their life without feeling that they must knock on every door in their neighborhood and tell people that they are gay or transsexual like a registered sex offender.  People need to learn to embrace acceptance, and redirect their attention to more worthy pursuits to combat like global starvation.  Bornstein was sincere with her statement, but I do not agree.  But it would be a mistake not to admire her for her determination and fight for equal rights for the transgender community. 

Part 4

Quote:  “’Male Privilege’ is assuming one has the right to occupy any space of person by whatever means, with or without permission.  It’s a sense of entitlement that’s unique to those who have been raised male in most cultures – it’s notably absent in most girls and women.  Male privilege is not something that’s given to men in this culture; it’s something that men take.  It’s not that women don’t have the ability to have and wield this privilege; some do.  It’s that in most cases, this privilege is withheld from them culturally and emotionally.  Male privilege is woven into all levels of the culture, from unearned higher wages to more opportunities in the workplace, from higher quality, less expensive clothing to better bathroom facilities.  Male privilege extends into sexual harassment, rape, and war.  Combine male privilege with capitalism (which rewards gree and acquisition) and the mass media (which, owned by capitalists, highlights only the rewards of acquisition and makes invisible its penalties), and you have a juggernaut that needs stopping by any means.  Male privilege is not the exclusive province of men; there are some few women who have a degree of this horrifying personality trait.  Male privilege is, in a word, violence.”

Summary:  The major part of part 4 was Bornstein proposing 15 distinct questions she asked on how to overcome gender inequality and how to understand gender in general terms.  I chose just a few to go over.  In question 6, “How do People Become Gendered?”  She tackles this question by confirming that gender is not based on informed consent that society makes us the gender it sees us being.  Gender is a cult that must not be abandoned for any reason.  If you abandon the cult of gender then you make yourself open to ridicule and to be censured.  Bornstein further asserts that gender is too serious and one cannot be humorous when it comes to gender. 

In question 7 Bornstein says identity and gender are one in the same.  For example, race, jobs, relationships, the food we eat, entertainment, and etc. These all represent identities and genders.  For example eating salads has somehow oddly become a feminine thing, just like romance movies are a feminine thing, while men are the ones to watch war movies.  Regrettably prejudice against the transgender community is a world-wide issue.  As the nation of India becomes more and more westernized the cultural group called the Hijra (primarily males who live their lives as females), is being wiped out and do not have a favorable standing in Indian culture as it once did long ago. 

My Opinion:  As a man who prefers to wearing skirts as opposed to pants, question 8 popped out at me, “What is a Transsexual?”  People often do the things the opposite sex does for comfort.  I am literally at my most comforted when I am with my skirts.  I love them more than anything. 

Part 5

Quote:  “I’ve come to see gender as a divisive social construct, and the gendered body as a somewhat dubious accomplishment.”

Summary:  To begin to lead into the next chapter in which Bornstein lets us in on her stage play “Hidden: A Gender,” she talks about the importance of the stage for members of the LGBT community, in her case transgender people.  Bornstein says this of the theater, “Sex and gender outlaws have needed allies.  An empowering theater is a strong partner: A space in which people can work together for a common goal of freedom.”  She also addresses the tragedy that the theater is still homophobic and as a result she is afraid the queer will stay to themselves and refuse to organize for a common goal and cause.   

My Opinion:  The theater has always been a place where members of the LGBT can thrive.  Often they are able to be themselves in disguise on stage, whether it is someone who is gay portraying someone who is gay, or a man playing a woman when he truly wants to be a woman.  I first learned of the importance of the stage for people of the LGBT community when I read “Crossdressing, Sex, and Gender.”  One of the people in the book that stood out to me the most was William J. Dalton who in between 1891 and 1941 portrayed a woman on stage.  During stages throughout humanities history, the prejudicial have made it hard for members of the LGBT by passing laws that are rigid and often violently enforced to prevent members of the LGBT to be themselves.  Members of the LGBT used the theater to legally be themselves. 

Part 6

The full play:

Quote:  …”The boys and girls in marketing have come up with the ultimate marketing strategy.  We’re not going to sell you any products tonight, no, we’re going to sell you gender.  And you want to buy it.  You want to buy gender because you want to relieve the nagging feeling that you’re not quite a man, you’re not quite a woman.”  Doc Grinder, “Hidden, A Gender.”

Summary:  Part 6 is all about Kate Bornstein’s playwright: “Hidden: A Gender.”  The play is all about exploring ones sexuality and illustrates ones struggle with their questions revolving around gender.  The majority of the show is based upon Bornstein’s own research into old fashioned travelling shows where people who are different from all others are put on display and modern talk shows.  Quite a large portion of the stage play is focused around a talk show hosted by character Doc Grinder.  He has the characters who are struggling to find their gender play a game called, “What’s My Gender?”  The object of the game is to find out what gender you are through a series of questions with Doc Grinder giving the character a pill at the end.  The pill is called “Gender Defender” with a pink or blue pill for woman or man.  Herman, a character, undergoes the game and reveals to Doc Grinder he is a woman.  There is a side story involving a character called Herculine. 

Herculine does not want to follow the cultural trend as to what it means to be a woman.  She wants to live her life as men do, reading, writing, and educating herself.  The plays antagonists tell Herculine that too much knowledge is unwomanly and she should stay away from doing things like that.  As a result of her delving in the world of men she explains her uterus is beginning to disappear and a penis is growing in its place; she is going from a lower life form to a much higher one.  Herculine points out the condition of women in the world, they are virtual slaves that their duty is to serve and nurture men.  She does not want to live this kind of life. 

At the end of the play it is pointed out that gender is not the issue but rather it is the battlefield, gender is the playground.  Doc Grinder explains transgender people are neither woman nor man.  He ends the show by inviting his guests to buy the pink or blue bottle.

My Opinion:  Doc Grinder is an interesting character.  I argue Doc Grinder’s character is a metaphor to the pressure everyone experiences in their lives to live one or the other gender, either it is male or female.  His attitude to his guests is an antagonistic one.  He has a mocking tone toward anyone who questions their sexuality.  At one point he gets annoyed with being interrupted by a female guest and tells her that interrupting him is not womanly.  He also threatens to have the courts intervene and decide for themselves what gender is.  I liked Doc Grinder’s character the most because he is literally how we all feel everyday = Men to be without feeling and woman to be meek and submissive.  We are told by society we must fill one of those roles, we are not allowed to cross over to the other one.  For Doc Grinder, we must take either the blue or pink pill, there is not a pill that is both pink and blue much like Disney’s Princess Aurora’s gown at the end of “Sleeping Beauty.”  Even the fairies in the movie fought for what color the Princess’s gown was. 

Part 7

Quote:  “I look for where gender is, and I go someplace else.”

Summary:  To conclude her work Bornstein brings a few issues to bear upon the reader.  For example she asks the reader why the world cares so much as to who she is; she does not understand these people as to why they are so obsessed with gender, male or female.  She says, “I look for where gender is, and I go someplace else.”  She feels the world makes so many irrational demands on each gender that being male or female is not worth the trouble; as a result she asks herself what she is then since she refuses to be either male or female.  Bornstein expresses appreciation and love for those who live their lives as women, but is not under the illusion she herself is one. 

She discusses the prejudicial nature of men in general, especially when female to males are considered.  She declares more and more of the transgender are refusing to take upon themselves the phallus or are removing theirs.  The symbol of the phallus has been one of a misuse of power.  Regrettably men generally are taught not to talk about their feelings and as such female to male transgender learn also not to talk about their feelings.  She addresses the concern that biological men use their power to attempt to silence female to male transgender, but, explains this is changing. 

Bornstein laments the existence of the 2 gender system.  She argues this system enables male violence upon women.  She says the solution to ending oppression to women must be a global one. 

My Opinion:  After reading this work I too have become increasingly concerned for the treatment of women that the 2 gender system brings.  The 2 gender system has been inconsistent and poisonous to members of both genders for thousands of years.  Men are taught they are not allowed to talk about their feelings or to do feminine things because of society’s horrific belief that women are inferior to men.  I tend to accept the opinions, arguments, and discussions from people like Kate Bornstein because she has experienced life as both stereotypical genders.  She has a unique insight over most people.  I firmly agree with her the fight to end oppression for women must be a global.  I am with her in the hope one day women will be treated respectfully and as a result men will not be in fear of doing something feminine because women will no longer be looked down upon.